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Portrait of the Artist, Drowning

by Omi Ford

Is this what love feels like? (That’s a real question, but maybe not the right one.) I didn’t expect it would be like this, like drowning. No- scratch that. Drowning implies a desperation to be elsewhere. It’s like the dreaming done at the bottom of the pool, eyes full of blue sky and breath held tight.

Tell me about the dream where we lay our bodies together, swaddled in night. The places where we touch softer than I ever knew they could be.

Waking like the pressure of all that water forcing me back up to the surface but fighting it the whole time. You’re eating pancakes in the kitchen and I’m swallowing down chlorine. Tell me about the dream where you drag me back out and breathe yourself into me so I don’t feel quite so empty.

Do you want anything that I have? Lost boys aren’t good for much besides dreaming, besides running, but if you like, we could run together. Be lost together. There’s only one place for lost boys and I could take you there, it’s easy, just a little to the right and past that star-

Midnight is nothing special, but 2 am means delirious, means me writing down all of your names and all the reasons I’m too stupid to know when it’s time to get out. But maybe you’ll come down here too, chemicals stinging both our eyes. Maybe you’ll tell me about the dream where everything works out okay, somehow.

I’m building you a castle, but the sand keeps slipping through my fingers which I hate to point out but you should know this is your fault. I can’t think, I can’t sleep, can’t use my hands or fix things. But you never say stop and I won’t until you give me a reason to.

Do you get it? Do you understand what I’m getting at? These are real questions. Not what I expected to ask but closer to what I mean so will you finally put 2+2 together?

I’m still here at the bottom of the pool, having the dream where we drag the bodies, our bodies, back inside for sandwiches and warm clothes.

Dear So-and-so,
Hurry up. The water’s getting cold.
Omi Ford is a multi-disciplinary creative trying to make sense of his thoughts one word/image/second at a time.


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