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Final Answers To Senator Jon Ossoff’s Incessant Automated Emails

by Joseph Goosey

 
Are you worried about America?

No more than I am about having a pulmonary embolism tonight. I try to be optimistic but yesterday my husband placed only one penny on my left eyelid & none on my right. What I’m worried about, Jon, is that I cannot afford to die.

Whether we will live up to our highest ideals?

As the kids and adults I cannot seem to escape say: l o l.
 
Whether we will succumb to polarization and division?

Jon, you seem like you get high more often than I suspected & I’m super into it. It’s hot. If I weren’t working three jobs right now, I’d host you & your kinfolk for a fundraiser but instead here’s $3.
 
Whether we will lead toward freedom and peace?

*Spits 100 proof Old Forester bourbon on company issued keyboard*
 
Whether we will contaminate the Earth?

Whether? W H E T H E R?? Jon, can I get my $3 back? Please don’t have your staff sue me over it. My-dad’s-god-in-whom-I’ve-never-believed do I need a refund! I don’t know your full bio, Jon, but I do sense you’ve been breeding & that your spawn will breed & so it goes as negative capability overwhelms.
 

Joseph Goosey lives in North Carolina. Recent poems have shown up in Banshee, The Glacier, Belt Magazine, and Speakeasy. He is the author of one full length collection of poems, Parade of Malfeasance (EMP Books, 2020).


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